BDSM DOMINATRIX DOMME PRODOMME MISTRESS GODDESS DOMINANT DOMINA QUEEN LADY MISS MASTER KING LORD SIR SUBMISSIVE
QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
Another BDSM directory?? We don't need that!
Here's the thing: We actually do. We need a resource for us, by us. We need a space created and maintained by someone who actually does this work and who gets it, and not another faceless, nameless sub dude who's really in it to gain favor with women, a site that doesn't actually care if we get any business, some company ready to abandon us as soon as they get what they want, or someone who won't fight for our human right to do our work, whatever our reason for doing so.
Additionally, this directory has a couple of particulars that make it different from other similar sites:
1. All professionals must pass basic vetting. This means everyone listed on this site has been screened to meet some baseline criteria for professionalism. This helps avoid the amateurs and scam artists that have populated other sites.
2. Professionals who offer any kind of escorting are not eligible for listing in this directory. This is not any reflection about how we feel about escorting or escort services, it's that we are so often a token addition to escort spaces that some people don't understand the difference between escorting and BDSM. I know of no other directory which is dedicated exclusively to providers offering traditional or classic BDSM.
Since you vet each professional listed does this mean you guarantee them?
While each professional listed here has passed basic screening, which means there is almost no chance they aren't a real person, there are things that are beyond the scope of this directory and thus cannot be guaranteed, such as an assurance of: 1. Their professional conduct with a client. 2. The quality of their work. 3. Your safety. 4. Your personal compatibility. You still need to do your due diligence.
Why is this site only for strictly BDSM professionals? Can I be listed if I offer escorting?
There are already several directories for people who offer escorting, a hybrid of escorting and (usually light) BDSM, sensual-only play, or some other type of adult service. Allowing everyone who wants to be listed dilutes the directory's effectiveness and creates challenges for the client searching for a genuine Domina, classic Mistress, professional Dominatrix, experienced submissive, or otherwise serious BDSM/kink practitioner, as they have to sift through many inappropriate listings.
I understand that some people don't like this policy. Folx, legal issues aside, people who offer BSDM without any escorting deserve to have our own space. Don't be disrespectful and hostile with me about wanting to create that space. Just check out another directory that matches your target audience.
You say this site is for the more "serious" and "traditional" BDSM provider. How do you determine who is "serious" and "traditional"?
I'm not here to define this for everyone or police how people do their work. Not only do I not have the time, I don't care! However, I need guidelines for this directory to have meaning and purpose. I hope we can all agree on some baseline definitions.
"Serious" is determined by your approach. Do you have a website with your own domain? Does it include the kind of information a client would look for and expect to find for someone she or he is considering to book? Do you come across as professional? If the answer is "no" to any of those questions, then my perception is that you are not serious.
"Traditional" is not based on your personality, style, wardrobe, or website design, but on the activities commonly understood to fall under "BDSM". This includes bondage (B), discipline (D), power exchange (D/s) or top and bottom scenarios; and sadomasochism (SM), and all the ways we express this. As well as things like training and fetish play, etc. A provider does not need to do all of these, of course, but the expectation is that the majority of what you offer falls under this umbrella.
BDSM as it is traditionally practiced does not include escorting or escort activities. This can include cuddling, kissing, fondling, body slides, GFE (girlfriend experience), or sex. "Sensual Domination" can also indicate escorting activities, so if this is your main service or you offer little else beyond this, then it's likely your work will be assumed to be in the escort category and politely declined. Don't get me wrong, those things are hot, and many of us love them, but they are usually not included in the professional sessions of traditional players.
If you offer escort services "off the record" that is your business, but if it is "on the menu" then I'm sorry it's a no.
Why are you policing how people practice BDSM??
I'm not. I'm policing this directory. You can practice whatever you want, however you want.
Unbelievably, or perhaps not, I've had some providers become hostile to me because I don't allow people who offer escorting onto the site--even though there are several places for those people to advertise.
Gentlefolk, listen to me. I want to create a list for a particular type of provider. Arguing with me about this is as ridiculous as you saying you're an Italian restaurant and you don't understand why I won't let you onto my directory for Thai restaurants. This doesn't mean I don't like Italian food or I'm telling people they shouldn't make it. Just go get on the list that describes what you serve and stop acting silly.
Is this an inclusive directory?
Absolutely. We welcome anyone regardless of their sex, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, color, religion, nationality, native language, body type, (dis)ability, or legal age.
Does my site and ad need to be in English?
No. As long as I can use a translator to read it, English is not required.
I can post an ad in any language you'd like.
Do I need to actually meet my clients face-to-face to qualify?
No. As long as you meet the other criteria you can offer exclusively remote sessions.
What types of listings do you offer?
Currently, the only option is a Standard Listing. This includes a profile photo, your professional name, your location, and a link to your website. They are good for 1 year and include your listing being added to any travel destinations you may have.
More types of listings will be offered in the future.
How much do listings cost?
Check the Get Listed page for the current price.
I ask that you please not complain about pricing or ask for free listings. The cost is BEYOND fair. I'm financing this out of my own pocket and am pretty much working for nothing.
Anything sent above the listing fee is considered a donation toward site development and is very much appreciated!
Why do you ask me to complete the listing in 72 hours?
So my inbox isn't cluttered with a bunch of people telling me things like, "I'll finish my website next month," or "I'll send payment in a couple of weeks", or the silence I'm getting as I'm trying to be kind and follow up asking if you still want to be listed. No one wants to be bothered with that when they're volunteering their time. I've got better things to do, chicas! Please respect my time the way I respect yours. Thanks so much.
How do I pay the fee if I'm not in the US?
I have some online choices that anyone around the world can use. All are easy. Funds will be automatically converted into US Dollars from your local currency.
Why aren't you offering this for free?
Paying for a listing does three primary things:
1. It shows your support for the financial and labor needs of the project.
2. It ensures that listings remain relevant, so the site doesn't become full of dead links.
3. It further helps weed out the frauds and fakes.
Taking issue with the fee is pretty ironic. A fellow pro Domme complains about someone asking to send a tiny tribute for her work? You sound like the male subs you complain about, ladies!
Furthermore, if you've been around enough and are serious about this as a career you will know that good advertising is expensive. I bring a lot of skills and knowledge to this endeavor and what I'm asking is an STEAL. Less than cup of coffee per month. Look at me, I sound like an ad for UNICEF!
What do I need to be approved for a listing?
This directory requires some basic standards of professionalism.
First and foremost, you need to offer traditional/classic BDSM services or goods professionally. For the purpose of this site, "professionally" means you have a certain level of seriousness and presentation.
PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU MEET EACH CRITERION BEFORE YOU REQUEST TO BE LISTED.
Providers
You must have:
1. Your own a personal website. You must have had this for at least 6 months. Pages on sites like FetLife, Twitter, or OnlyF*ns are not a personal website but a page on someone else's site. Clips don't count because they tell us that you're a practicing professional.
2. Your site has a custom domain. This would be something like DominaABC.com.
2. A site that is sufficiently developed to include detail about you and what traditional BDSM activities you offer. "I'm a ProDomme and I do kinky things" or "I offer classic BDSM" is not clear enough. Clips don't count because they may not represent what someone does in a session. Please clearly describe this for your prospective clientele/play partners on your website, not scattered around on a form, blog, or social media. If the laws in your jurisdiction prohibit providing this detail please say so when submitting your request.
3. No indication of escorting. This includes sensual-only play, such as "Sensual Domination", either exclusively or primarily.
4. A hard limit, disclaimer, or other statement that explicitly says you do not provide illegal activities. The word illegal is an important clarification that must be included. Just saying "sex" is not enough as there are other things that are illegal other than sex. It must be easy to locate and not buried in text.
5. From where you conduct your sessions. Details about specific location aren't required.
6. A clear way to contact you for a session. Directing people to OnlyFans or the like doesn't count. Please offer phone, text, email, or a form.
These are basic elements that one would expect from a professional Domme, FemDom, Dominatrix, Mistress, Domina, Goddess, Queen, Lady, Disciplinarian, Master, Sir, and submissive.
Studio Rentals
You must have:
1. A dedicated site with it's own custom domain OR a dedicated page on your provider site that has it's own domain.
2. Photos that clearly show your facilities.
3. Pertinent details that someone would expect to find on a site for a professional studio. This can include square footage, number of rooms, equipment, hours, rates.
3. A clear way to contact you to book.
Craftspeople
You must have:
1. A dedicated site with it's own custom domain OR a dedicated page on your pro site that has it's own domain OR a storefront on a site like Etsy.
2. Photos that clearly show your clothing, accessories, furniture, or gear.
3. Pertinent details about what you're selling.
4. A clear way for it to be purchased.
Shops
You must have:
1. A dedicated site with its own custom domain OR a dedicated page on your pro site that has its own domain OR a storefront on a site like Etsy.
2. Whether you're online and/or have a storefront. If you have a storefront it has to be clear where it is located.
3. Photos that clearly show what BDSM/kink clothing, accessories, furniture, or gear you're selling.
4. Pertinent details about your merchandise.
5. Pertinent details about your shipping and return policies.
6. Where/How a person can buy from you.
I've been doing this for X years. Why do I need to meet these eligibility criteria? Can I just confirm what you're asking in an email?
Everyone is held to the same basic professional standards. Part of those standards are that you need to have a website and with certain things clearly communicated on it. Your website is a public declaration of your practice. My taking a statement by email is a private declaration. Not only is this beyond my interest to manage it creates a legal responsibility that I cannot assume.
I run a House. Can I submit a request for it to be listed?
I cannot list a House. I need to list each individual provider as their own entity. This means that like any other pro included on this site, they will need their own personal website with custom domain OR their own page on your House's site, which also needs its own domain. If the latter, it needs to include everything an independent provider would include on their site. It cannot refer prospective clients to call the Headmistress for info about the provider or to book. Please see "What do I need to be approved for a listing?" for more detail.
Why am I required to have my own website and domain?
Requiring that providers have their own site and custom domain will drastically reduce the possibility of fraudulent listings. It's not to disenfranchise anyone. It's meant to protect both the pros and the clients. It also encourages the more serious practitioners to set themselves apart from amateurs offering entry-level or low-quality play for compensation.
If your site seems suspicious you will placed in a waiting period of at least 6 months before you are eligible for listing.
Can you help make me a website?
Yes. Complete the form on the GetListed page and select "Help" under listing type and I'll get back to you to discuss your needs. Packages start at 200 USD with a same-day turnaround in most cases.
I regularly session in different cities/countries. Can I be listed in more than one place?
Absolutely! I encourage it.
A guideline for multiple listings is that you reliably session in that location. For example, you're primarily in Minneapolis but also session in Milwaukee at least every few months, or you are in London but visit Dubai four times a year. Something that makes sense when you look at it from the perspective of a client who would like to book a session with you and wants to know what they can expect.
If you tend to visit a country or city sporadically and unpredictably, such as spending June of every year in another state or country, then I recommend posting your visit as a tour. You can do this on the Tour page's Bulletin Board. Of course, it's a good idea to post your tour info everywhere you can, but having a centrally-located and dynamic forum that is searchable on the web is helpful as people may feel they can find out the info there more reliably...as long as everyone posts there, of course.
If you are some combination of provider, studio rental, BDSM/kink clothing or gear craftsperson, or own a BDSM/kink store (online or retail), those can be listed as well.
Please submit a separate entry for each listing you would like. I ask this so that it is absolutely clear what names, locations, websites, and photos go with what listing.
How should I submit a request for multiple listings?
Please complete the form on GET LISTED for each unique entry you'd like on the site.
For example, let's say you're a pro Domme who sessions out of two cities/town and also rents your dungeon...
ENTRY 1:
Professional Name: Domina ABC
Role: Dominant
City: Poundtown, USA
Website: DominaABC.com
ENTRY 2:
Professional Name: Domina ABC
Role: Dominant
City: Turdsville, USA
Website: DominaABC.com
ENTRY 3:
Professional Name: Dungeonland
Role: Dungeon
City: Poundtown, USA
Website: Dungeonland.com
Why was my request declined?
There are different reasons why your listing might be declined. If this occurs, you will be told specifically why.
Some different reasons might be:
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You don't have your own website and personal domain. For example, you submit a link to your OnlyFans or your Twitter/X account. Or you have created a free website without customizing your domain.
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Your site is less than 6 months old AND/OR you do not have an adequate, verifiable professional practive. I'm using the age of your site as an idea of how long you've been a pro and your professional experience. If your site is less than 6 months old but your experience is greater I just need to be able to verify that. A message from a Headmistress at a house or another verified professional will suffice.
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You don't seem to be very serious or sincere about offering BDSM. This includes a lack of development on your site. Such as info about you, specifics about what you offer*, your protocol, and how to contract you. Sites that just say "I'm a pro Domme and I offer BDSM sessions" do not reflect a professional and serious provider. I don't take verbal or private (email) declarations; allow criteria to be met over several sites, such as your social media accounts and FetLife page; or waive requirements due to your having done this for 40 years. Everything must be clearly written on your site. (*If laws in your jurisdiction prohibit this please indicate so when submitting your request.)
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You indicate escorting in any capacity. This includes play that is exclusively or heavily sensual, such as exclusively or primarily offering "Sensual Domination". This is no judgement whatsoever of escorting or strictly sensual play, it's just there are several other sites for people who provide these kinds of experiences. Those of us who strictly provide BDSM would like a space that we don't share with those who offer escorting. In part because it tends to bring us the wrong clients, or confuses people about who we are and what we offer.
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You do not have a statement that says you do not offer illegal activities/sevices. The word illegal must be used.
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Your photos appear significantly doctored. This does not include standard airbrushing. It includes major changes to the head, face, and/or body. Such as putting your head or face on another body or significant contour changes to your body.
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Your site primarily promotes your OnlyFans or similar site. If this is your main bread and butter, I get it, but this directory isn't for that.
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Your site primarily promotes clips. Again, I get it, but this isn't a clips promo site per se.
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You have characteristics of a fraudulent or scammer site. There are various characteristics that I look for. I won't detail them here for obvious reasons, but if you have any then I will decline to list you until your authenticity can be verified. There are multiple ways I may do this. Please don't be offended if I ask to verify you. If you're a scammer reading this and think you can get past my screening, I've been identifying frauds for several years and am very good at it so you'll be wasting your time trying to fool me.
I meet all the criteria. Why was I declined??
There are a few reasons:
1. You offer illegal or highly unethical play. Including but not limited to nonconsenting parties (for example, public sex acts when illegal would be included but not leading someone around on a leash), blackmail (aka extortion), theft, live crushing. If you offer blackmail play you must indicate it is blackmail fantasy so it's clear you're not actually extorting anyone.
2. Two incidents of "ghosting". If you've submitted your second request to be listed and do not complete the listing process in the timeframe I ask I'm going to assume that your inability to follow through means you are not professional enough for this directory.
3. Unprofessional conduct. This includes especially disrespectful or abusive behavior.
Can you help me fix the problems with my site so I'll be approved?
I just tell you why it's not approved and then it's up to you to figure that out. Once you do you can make another request.
If you want serious one-on-one help with your website, or other related business support, please see the question below.
I need some help with my business/domain/website/meeting the directory's standards. Can you help me?
Yes! I offer consulting for the BDSM professional or aspiring professional. However, I do not offer this for free. My rate is a jam-packed 30 minutes for 120 or an hour for 200. Areas of support include:
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developing a business plan
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branding
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marketing
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budgeting
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registering a domain
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setting up email using your custom domain
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websites, start to finish (this does not include my doing your site for you, which is extra)
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tax reporting (this is general advice about how to file/report, not to be replaced by an accountant)
Why me? I'm an established and well-respected Dominatrix often called "one of the best" by my clients, with a track record for success in these areas. I have an educational and professional background in Psychology (with an aptitude in branding and marketing), finance (including tax reporting), and I began doing web sites and development in 1996. I have a lot of knowledge to share with you that will help you shine!
If you're interested, please use the form on the Get Listed page and I'll contact you. Put "consulting" in place of your location. If you don't yet have a domain or website just put "TBD".
What happens after I submit my request to be listed?
You will be contacted once approved with a request for payment and your profile photo. Though my goal is to have a fast turnaround and have been getting to requests quickly, please allow up to 72 hours.
Once approved you will be asked to send payment for your listing and a photo. Payment options are easy and will be online or a money order in USD.
Once those are received, I will get to it as soon as I'm able. This is usually somewhere between 15 minutes and 12 hours. But in the event I'm busy attending to my own clients, please allow up to 72 hours for your listing to be posted.
How do you decide in what order people are listed?
For a Standard Listing (the only one offered at this time), the order is determined by those who complete the whole process first. Meaning:
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Send complete request.
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Send listing fee.
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Send photo.
This means that if someone else in your city asks to be listed after you they may end up in the directory first if they send the fee and their photo before you do.
What kind of photo do I need to send?
Your photo should meet the following criteria:
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Square, not rectangular. This means it's the same length and height. If it's not, I will crop it, while trying to maintain the overall integrity of your image.
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At least 800 pixels on each side.
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PNG or JPG format.
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Not heavily compressed
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Not show you doing something that might be considered legally risky, such as strap-on or forced bi.
It is recommended you watermark your image. Criminals are on the lookout for photos they can steal and use to impersonate a pro Domme so they can scam people. They are less likely to take yours if your name is on it, and even less likely if you include your website.
Am I required to show my face?
No, but you do need a photo of yourself. A photo of your spanking bench or pair or shoes will not suffice. You also cannot use a stock photo. If you prefer not to show your face just blur or crop it out.
I don't know how to watermark my photo. Can you help me?
I can add a watermark or your logo to your image for an additional 10 USD. If you add this to your initial fee please DO NOT add a note that it's for watermarking in the memo field of your payment. Leave that blank and include the message with your emailed photo.
When you send your photo, tell me what you'd like it to say, such as your professional name or your website (I recommend the latter), and if you would like a particular font. If you don't indicate one, I will select it for you.
If you have a logo send it along with your photo with placement instructions. If you don't I will add it to your photo in the spot I think best.
How do I update my profile?
If you need to update anything in your profile, just send me an email at the address used to communicate with me about your listing. Please put "Profile Update" in the subject line. I will update it as soon I can. If I'm at the computer, I'll do it right away. If not, I'll do it as soon as I can.
If you're a person who likes to frequently update your photo, I'm pretty flexible, but maybe try to keep it to no more than once a month. If you took a great shot of yourself and you want it updated right away, I get it. Go ahead and send it!
How does the travel board work?
Any time you post to the board an alert gets sent to me for approval. This is to prevent spam.
Once your post is approved I create an additional listing for you in your travel destination to alert visitors that you will be there.
For example, if your home base is California, USA and you will be traveling to Berlin, Germany, you will have a listing in both locations from the time you announce your travel to that area.
(I realize the board isn't very pretty. It's meant to be a temporary solution to allow people to quickly post their travel plans and will be developed more fully in the future.)
What kind of crafts and shops are eligible for inclusion?
Any gear, furniture, or clothing that would fall under "classic" or "traditional" BDSM and fetish. This includes bondage, impact, sensory, medical, pet play, gender ("feminization", "crossdressing"), role play costumes, latex, leather, lingerie, and the like.
What is required for an event listing?
Events can be conventions, fetish parties, training, workshops, and classes. They just have to be oriented to the professional community, provider or client, is some capacity.
Like other listings, events must meet professional criteria:
1. It's own website or a page on another professional website. This can include a Dominant who teaches online classes and has a page on her professional site which provides all the pertinent info.
2. A custom domain. Events on free websites, such as FetLife, are not eligible.
3. It must related to classic BDSM. For example, weekend slave trainings are related. Massage workshops are not.
4. Sufficient development on the site to describe your event.
Events can be a blend of professional and lifestyle elements but cannot be strictly lifestyle events. For example, a convention in which there are workshops for professionals but also lifestyle play parties are okay. A weekend island getaway for lifestylers is not (as fun as it sounds). Another example is a Mistress who offers classes. Teaching BDSM-related skills is okay. Teaching people how to do landscaping is not.